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Your Stubborn Child at Different Ages

Stubborn child at different ages

What is  a stubborn child?

Stubborn childs and stubborn teenagers are stubborn for unknown reason. Speech pathologists notices this phenomena and find solution to it.

One of the first words after mom, dad and give in the stubborn child vocabulary is "I do not want to". Immediately, parents should start paying attention to the wishes of their offspring. However, mothers and fathers are not ready to accept new trend in their stubborn child behavior. Kids always have their own reason which might be different from yours. Adults usually resits to understand that time has changed. Their quiet baby being so helpless and at their mercy now says that will never wear a hat of "girly" colors.

Stubbornness

That is why if a child’s wish doesn't coincides with parents opinion is often called stubbornness. However, stubbornness becomes very helpful.One should not forget that the ability to say NO is a very important life skill. It will be useful during school years when classmates suggest escaping from a lesson or trying drugs. So, do not discipline your child for the mere fact of disobedience. The main parents task will be to teach your stubborn child to defend their opinion in constructive ways.

How to differentiate perseverance and integrity from the desire to do everything the opposite way? Read below...

0-2 Years

Young children are just starting to explore the world. They start learning to define the boundaries of the world and their personality in it. At this age the kid just wants to take control of the situation in his/her tenacious hands. They just want to adopt his/her desires in different directions instead of following adults’ request, 

  1. As soon as you feel your child is getting into this argumentative state, make a pause. Just keep silence and wait. It is possible that having received the long-awaited freedom the child makes decision you expect him/her to do.
  2. Try getting a positive answer to any question even if it's not related to the subject of the dispute. Psychologists have noted that any YES said by your opponent increases the chances of reconciliation.
  3. Do not get carried away by persuasion and explanations. At this age, emotional imaginary topic will be much more convincing. The more intriguing and truthful your story is the more effective your distraction will be.
  4. In some cases, the baby is trying to test the boundaries of what is permitted. The child may be interested in the following vital questions: "What will happen if I get up in the middle of the roadway and flatly refuse to go on the sidewalk?" Or "What will my mommy do if I take a plastic bottle cap into my mouth?"  In such cases it is better to use "administrative resources", calmly picking up the child to move across the street, or take away his inedible "delicacy." Realizing that the forces are unequal the baby stops being stubborn.

3-4 Years

Stubbornness at this age is caused not only by a desire to learn about the world, but also to actively change it by experimenting. Therefore, when the child hears "no", he/she begins silently and intently to do exactly opposite. As true scholars, they tend to confirm the theory in practice to ensure the rightness of the adult.

  1. Accompany each ban or request with detailed explanations. Try to broaden the given information from a specific case, extending it to other similar situations.
  2. Don’t give the stubborn child additional information that could push him/her to new risky experiments. For example, urging the child to stop torturing the printer buttons by endlessly pressing it doesn't explain what and how it can get broken. Just say the device needs to rest after work.
  3. Refer more often to your own experience so that your baby considers you to be a colleague in the world laboratory rather than a mentor.
  4. Reasoning with a child. Do not use phrases such as: "What did I tell you!" or "I told you so!" These phrases provoke the child to find new evidence of his rightness.
  5. If you are unable to stop your little researcher, take scientific management over the experiment. Do it together with the child to show the outcome.

5-6 Years

This period is characterized by the child’s increased attention to action motives of other people. He estimates the results of his/her findings in terms of benefits for him/herself. Not surprisingly that by selecting such a point of reference, the child gets a lot of reasons for disappointment. At this age stubbornness is a protest against selfishness of others. Ignoring or rigidly suppressing such behavior does not only help to break the resistance. It but significantly worsens the state of psychological discomfort of the stubborn child.

  • Start by asking your child what has upset him/her. Even though the child will demonstrate indifference to your question, he/she is secretly impatiently waiting to continue the conversation. Therefore keep trying to unfold the conversation and the child will join the dialogue.
  • Most preschoolers are sure that others can read their thoughts. It is possible that your child is no exception. “Why hasn’t grandmother guessed that I was about to clean up the toys myself in an hour or so, and got mad at me?” Convince the child to start by making sure people around him/her are aware of his/her thoughts and intentions.
  • While keeping the tone of your conversation friendly insist on an apology to who your child has demonstrated stubbornness. This will prevent the preschooler from the future temptation to demonstrate offence.
  • Ask your child to talk openly about what he does not like. Having trained this habit at home they can use this useful skill in communication with their peers.
  • Check your own behavior when you are upset. Don’t you get act upset and offended,  refusing to explain the reasons for your bad mood?

7-12 Years

Stubbornness of students Part 1

Stubbornness of students is often motivated by the desire to protect themselves from the numerous requirements in school and at home. Endless arguments and refusals help them postpone fulfilling the “hated” tasks.

Think whether all the requirements are clear to your child. This period is characterized by the child’s increased attention to action motives of other people. He estimates the results of his/her findings in terms of benefits for him/herself. Not surprisingly that by selecting such a point of reference, the child gets a lot of reasons for disappointment. At this age stubbornness is a protest against selfishness of others. Ignoring or rigidly suppressing such behavior does not only help to break the resistance. It but significantly worsens the state of psychological discomfort of the stubborn child.

  • Start by asking your child what has upset him/her. Even though the child will demonstrate indifference to your question, he/she is secretly impatiently waiting to continue the conversation. Therefore keep trying to unfold the conversation and the child will join the dialogue.
  • Most preschoolers are sure that others can read their thoughts. It is possible that your child is no exception. “Why hasn’t grandmother guessed that I was about to clean up the toys myself in an hour or so, and got mad at me?” Convince the child to start by making sure people around him/her are aware of his/her thoughts and intentions.
  • While keeping the tone of your conversation friendly insist on an apology to who your child has demonstrated stubbornness. This will prevent the preschooler from the future temptation to demonstrate offence.
  • Ask your child to talk openly about what he does not like. Having trained this habit at home they can use this useful skill in communication with their peers.

Stubbornness of students Part 2

  • Check your own behavior when you are upset. Don’t you get act upset and offended, refusing to explain the reasons for your bad mood.
  • Perhaps some of them seem unreasonable to him/her. Ask why in his/her opinion it is necessary to pack a backpack in the evening or wrap notebook covers. Saying the answers to these questions out loud by him/herself the child is unlikely to continue arguing on these occasions.
  • Together with the child recall the rights and privileges the child has acquired over the past few years due to his/her growing up. After establishing this list your child will approach the responsibilities with much more understanding.
  • Do not demand for an immediate compliance with your request. Remember how difficult it can be to force yourself to deal with some hard or boring matter.
  • By school age children gain critical attitude to their abilities. If a child refuses to do something consider whether or not it's related to fear of failure. In this case, reassure the child that ideal result is not expected.
  • Do not try to overcome stubbornness through intimidation. For example: "If you do not finish this task you will fail!". Or "If you do not stop being mean and moody no one will be friends with you!" A child at this age will make every effort to demonstrate indifference to these threats.
  • Try to give examples of doing something "out of spite" purposely the child is hurting him/herself.

12+ Years

Teenagers show stubbornness on a different scale: it applies not to individual actions, and affects all the spheres of life.

  • Every time arguing with a child, mentally ask yourself the question: "Do I really know what is better for him/her to do in life?" This is true about hobbies, friends, profession and other important things. Parents often try focusing on those things in their arguments. While talking to the teenagers parents always relate to their own ambitions or unrealized dreams.
  • By being stubborn the teenager protects something very important for him/herself -- their freedom, justice, independence, and so on. Do not forget, they are maximalists -- that is a person who favors direct action for achieving all their goals. They usually reject compromise! Therefore, we cannot under evaluate the teenager’s beliefs in a singler sentence, such as "You are wrong because you don't know life!"
  • Give the teenagers the right of choice. Just give them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, as long as there is no risk to life.

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