Below are the 10 secret words to know to better speak with your children:
whisper, maybe, sorry, stop, where are your eyes, learn, you can, be present, always, and laugh
Raising your voice is a manifestation of weakness. Moreover, children, particularly small, are responsive to the speech tone more than its content. How do you make your child obey you without elevating your voice?
It is noted time and time again that bending over to your child’s ear, having established eye contact before, and starting talking very quietly — is the most effective way to get your child’s attention. It requires parents’ high level of self-control. Surprisingly, it gives amazing results.
Aa a rule, saying the traditional “no” straight into your child’s face can in many cases provoke stubborn resistance, especially if the child is hungry or simply tired. Alternatively, we offer “maybe” – at least it is honest. If children ask: “Are we going outside now?” I calmly say: “Maybe.” And then add: “If you clean up all the toys quickly.” In fact, this helps to motivate children to behave appropriately. Everything is simple after that – the room is cleaned up, the kids are dressed – we are going outside, not done – not going. It is important that adults themselves fulfill their own promises. You can use the words “We’ll see” and “a bit later” as effectively.
As you know, adults make mistakes too. What to do? We are often ready to apologize to relatives, friends, our colleagues at work. Our children, however, need us to be polite to them too. This simulates your child’s respectful attitude towards others. It also helps to understand that no one is perfect in this world, which, in general, is true.
If children are running around the place, it is useless to preach, it is enough to say “Stop!” and give another direction: “Sit down at the table and do the puzzle / build a castle.” This command gives children a signal to interrupts their actions that, and tells them what to do instead. Set the rules of “Stop the game!” with your child in advance. The rule affects all without exception at any circumstances: by the sound of this command all the actions stop! The main thing – do not overuse this powerful tool, otherwise it will cease to be effective.
Where are your eyes?
More often than not, we all listen more carefully looking into the eyes of the person we talk to. When I want to make sure that the kids are really listening to me, I ask, “Where are your eyes?” You need to say it calmly, gently, with a smile, or just quietly, otherwise the children just do not want to look at you. No one would want to meet the eye of a screaming person? And as soon as the children’s eyes glued to you, you own their attention.
If your child makes a mistake, the only helpful phrase is “It’s okay, do not worry – we all learn!” Think how true it is for all of us!
Remind your children about it any time they have doubts about their abilities. Failure is just a signal to put a little more effort to achieve the desired result. Tell the children that you know that they can. And be sure to share a secret: a lot of what you yourself are doing with ease now once demanded so much effort from you.
Pay attention when children are asking you questions. Listen attentively when they are telling you about something. Stay with your child. It means so much to the little person! Be sincere! Be involved! Be present! The children immediately feel how engaged in a conversation we are with them.
Not surprisingly, it is always noisy and restless around the children! Tantrums happen, sweets hidden, entertainment cancelled. But some things remain untouched. Our love for our children is one of them. It is important to tell them about it. Especially on difficult days… Make is part of your daily ritual to tell your children you love them and will always love, no matter what. It is very important for your children to know and to hear t at you love them unconditionally. It’s constant! Permanent! Always!
If we learned to laugh more at ourselves and at what surround us, lots of things were not as annoying to us as parents. A good laugh – is the best remedy.
The truth is that these 10 secret words to know are important not only for parents! Just add them to your vocabulary to be a better communicator!